when I came upon one of my friend's fb status on how she feels like comitting suicide after being downgraded for her physical appearance, I do feel the urge to share my own experiences. well of course no one would ever want to be fat right. well, I could say that it's our fault too for not controlling our nafs over food. but to belittle somebody especially with harsh words, that's too much.
back on my early years when I'm in a boarding school, I dare to say that there aint any rainbows at all. I've been humiliated, downgraded and bullied just because of my physical appearances. for those who've known me for that time might say that I look just fine, and I'm the girl who always laugh, I'm not serious in anything etc. but seriously, deep down there, it hurts. it's freakingly hurts that I was once, too, think of suicide. you didn't know how much problems that someone is facing, you've never been in their shoes. but what could I tell you is, I can still feel the impact. until now. seriously. my junior years were nightmares. I'm depressed, I hurt myself more than once because I hate my own self. I'm speaking of my own experience, which happened for me.
depression is REAL, dear people. we might see that they look happy, joking around and whatnot but it's slowly killing them inside. so, for those who think that you're just joking for belittling someone physical appearance or whatever, please please please, stop whatever on earth you're thinking. you might be a murderer but you're free because the doctors will conclude that the person died from depression not because of you, killing him.
for the victims, if I could survived those nightmares, I strongly believed that you can survive too. how? I believed in myself, I tried my best to figure out what could I do to prove them that even a fat or ugly person could achieve something in their life. and Alhamdulillah, I really really thanks Allah for giving me my family and debate family especially. seriously, they're the reasons why I'm stronger, why I always look up for another day of my life.
if you've been downgraded for your physical appearance, dont be sad, dont even think of killing yourself. please know that there're always, ALWAYS someone out there who love you with all their heart. and I do love you keh! :) look at your mum and dad. at least, they're the reason why you should keep on living. dont worry about your future whether you'll be married or not, put your trust in Allah, have faith. and the most important advice is, be patient. because Allah is with the patience. show to the world that you're something precious don't be shy or ashame of yourself. all of Allah's creation are beautiful. YOU are beautiful.
love,
the victim that survived :)
p/s: grammar nazi are welcome to correct my grammar/english cause I'm still learning. thanks in advance!
oh, and please excuse the typo I'm writing on my phone in the dark, and sleepy but still wanna write something 😂
